The screen in my life – day one

Little bright screen in my life
Window to a world
    Far away from me

Hello everyone I need help on Haiku?

Salma Babani

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11 thoughts on “The screen in my life – day one

  1. Hi Salma! For me, I tried to stick to the 5-7-5 and trimmed my words down accordingly without losing the thought of what I wanted to write. It was quite challenging but fun. Just keep practicing๐Ÿ˜Š for example…

    Bright screen in my life (5 syllables when you take away “little”)
    Window to a world ( you just need 2 words with a single syllable or 1 word with 2 syllables like: outside, beyond)
    Far away from me. (5 syllables, perfect๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป)

    Hope this helps!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Salma, its a good start of a Haiku. I struggled to portray my message too when I started especially with the 5-7-5 format. What I can only suggest for your haiku above is to take away one word on your first line then reshuffle. For your second line add a word or two? Then on your third one is perfect as it is ๐Ÿ™‚ (Only a suggestion though ๐Ÿ™‚ )

    Liked by 1 person

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